The Notebook is a movie for girls eating ice cream on Valentine’s Day. I’m here to tell you everything wrong with this movie.

The Notebook is not cute. The story is about a couple who break up, get back together, and then both die. The director is a sick sadist who is just trying to make everyone cry.

Then, there’s the scene where Noah is trying to get Allie on a date, so he climbs to the top of a ferris wheel and hangs there. Who does that? Did he not think about the fact that he could die? And what’s Allie’s problem? She pulls down his pants! Someone is holding on for their life and the first thing she does is pants him. It’s like she was trying to get him killed.

Noah and Allie eventually go on a date, where they lay down in the middle of the street. There seems to be no cars at all, which I find a little strange. It gets cheesy when Allie mentions a car could come and kill them and then suddenly, there’s a car coming at them. Let’s not forget about the fact that the car is on the other side of the street when it nearly “kills” them. There was no need to run.

The movie continues with Noah and Allie falling in love, but Allie’s parents don’t approve. To get Allie away from him, the family moves to New York. Noah writes 365 letters to Allie while she’s away. First off, who has time to write 365 letters? The answer is no one. You would think he would eventually run out of things to tell her. Second, how does Allie get none of these letters? I understand her mom takes them all but that must mean either Allie is never home to get the mail or she makes her old mother get the mail every day. Third, Allie’s mom finally gives Allie the letters when they return to Seabrook. This leads me to think Allie’s mom is a hoarder. She keeps all of those letters, all 365 of them.

Let’s not forget about Allie’s new fiancé. She’s engaged to another man without trying to even talk to Noah. She just forgets him. Then, on her wedding day, Allie sees an ad in the newspaper and can you guess who she sees? Noah. What a coincidence. Allie magically sees her old boyfriend on the day of her wedding, so of course she has to call off the wedding to go see him.

Allie gets to Noah’s house and they have a little reunion. She stays with Noah for two days. You would think her fiancé would know she was cheating on him by now or at least go look for her; he’s practically letting Allie cheat on him. After two days, Allie is somehow confused between the two men. I don’t understand why. The only explanation I can come up with is Allie is a gold digger. If Noah had more money, I bet her decision would be an easy one. In fact, the main reason why Allie even chooses Noah is because her mom tells her to. But of course, she couldn’t just sit Allie down and tell her to. No, she has to tell Allie about a story of her past where we learn Allie is just a younger version of her mother and the past is just repeating. Wow, what another coincidence.

Let’s fast forward to the end where we find out Allie and Noah stayed together, got married, had kids, and now Allie is in the hospital with dementia. She can’t remember Noah, so he reads her the story of their relationship to help her remember. One thing wrong with this is Noah reads from a book. There’s no notebook in the movie, so why is the movie called The Notebook?

Finally, the movie comes to an end and Allie remembers Noah, and they both die in each others’ arms. I know this was supposed to be a cute and sad ending, but I just found it depressing and unrealistic. Noah seemed to be a healthy old man and then he suddenly just dies with Allie. Again, I think the director was trying to make everyone sob. Thanks a lot.

In conclusion, The Notebook is one of the worst chick flicks ever written and I would not recommend anyone to watch it unless I had something against them.