Tame the beast of shoe swimmith in the waters of the Southern Peninsula 

Drink the double down to down the mighty Moose 

Claim the right of man as a Florida man would 

Completith by the day of 18th birth 

Katie the Floridian-Canadian, raised in the corn lands of Ohio. First born to the house of Conner, comes a hero of many realms. But this mere hero still had much to learn. 

Katie was a peasant, but that changed when the darkness came. All the farmers of Ohio had to be trained in sword fighting, boasting, and, of course; knightley shenanigans. 

“Fight, step, fight,” called the instructor.

Katie countered, then the voice rang out. 

“Katie, the Baron calls,” yelled the Jester. 

“The Baron, Ray?” asked Katie.

“Yes, hurry, don’t keep him waiting.” said Ray.

The guard stood outside the Baron’s office. Katie knocked on the door and it swung open. A tall boulderish man stood at the window, 

“Come in, come in,” said the man. 

“Sir, what do you want with me?” 

“A quest to your home lands,” said the man. 

“My home lands?” Katie asked. 

“Yes, two blades will free us from the darkness,” said the Baron. 

Katie turned to find the tall slender form of the Baron in the dark corner of the room. 

“The prophecy says by the 18th birth this must be done, and you’re the only one who matches the prophecy,” said the Baron.

Katie stood on the hill; her horse was afraid, and so was Katie. (Guess I teleport now) The dark forests of her home land stood in front of her. The prophecy had mentioned some crappy coffee and a dumb deer thing called a moose. Katie found the coffee stand called Jim’s Hooten outside the forest, and from there she found the moose, with a blade sticking out of its neck, still moving in the forest. 

Katie killed the poor moose, but the blade wouldn’t come easily out of the animal’s neck. With a hard pull, Katie freed the blade. As Katie left the forest, the townspeople began bowing and cheering as she traveled towards her birthplace. 

“Oh queen, oh queen,” yelled a man.

“I ain’t no queen, eh,” said Katie.

“But you pulled the sword, you are queen,” said the man.

“I’m just a knight trying to stop the darkness,” Katie said and went on her way to Florida. 

After long weeks of travel, Katie reached the swamps of Florida. As Katie approached the swamp, a crazed man approached chugging a beer, “God’s the gospel,” said the man. 

“The gospel speaks not of God, but of what we should be,” said Katie. 

The man spat onto the ground, “Law be gone in this land.”

“Law makes the world right,” said Katie.

The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a long python from his jacket pocket. He cracked the snake like a whip; Katie sidestepped and sliced the snake in half with the Canadian blade she had pulled from the moose. Katie then grabbed the man and threw him into the bushes on the side of the road. 

Katie then continued down the path towards the center of the swamp. 

As Katie entered the dark, moist center of the swamp, a crocodile with a hilt coming out of its head ran at Katie. Katie pulled out the Canadian sword and slayed the beast, claiming the Florida sword. 

After long days of travel, Katie returned to Ohio to find a dark cloud loomed over the castle and nearby town. Katie knew something was wrong when nobody was in the fields or on the outskirts of town. 

The sky darkened as Katie entered the keep and before her was the hanging corpse of the Baron wearing a sign stating, “The darkness now controls this land.” Katie continued into the great hall where a tall thin man stood, arms outstretched, chanting a curse of gibberish. The man’s eyes landed on Katie, and he howled with rage. 

Katie charged the man with the sword of Florida in one hand and the sword of Canada in the other. The man raised his hand and chanted, and from the ground came twelve undead soldiers. Katie easily slayed the soldiers and swiped at the thin man with the blade of Canada. The blade cut the man deeply, and he howled in pain. Blood poured from the cut as Katie took both blades and decapitated the man where he stood. 

Two weeks later. 

All the townspeople had returned, and Katie was crowned Baron of Ohio. 

The end.