Argyle and Archer’s Haphazard Advice

How to Un-Freeze your Frozen Car


Argyle and Archer mark their territory on student vehicles

With dropping temperatures and wind chills below zero, frozen car doors, frozen windows, and frozen locks can become a problem for students and teachers who drive to school. Here’s a few tips to improve your mornings just a little bit.

Archer: Put pressure on your car door by leaning on it. By doing this, you could potentially break the ice around the door. Use an ice scraper or small hand tool to chip away at the ice around your frozen door. When doing this one, you have to be careful. Remember, there’s a car under all that ice. You don’t want to chip your paint or break your window! While wearing gloves, hit at the ice with your palms and break the ice on your door. Check the other doors. If any of your others doors aren’t frozen, get in the car through that door and then push your frozen car door open from the inside. If your lock is frozen but your car door isn’t, use a lighter and heat your key up. Doing this should melt the ice on the lock and then you can spray some WD-40 where the rest of the ice is to get rid of it.

Argyle: Dip your key in Vasoline or Petroleum jelly then insert it into the lock. These products can melt the ice. Once the key is in the lock, try to wiggle it around. Don’t force the key to turn though, this may result in the key breaking. If this doesn’t work right away, keep taking your key out then putting it back in and wiggling it until you get it unlocked. If your window is frozen shut, you can just wait for your interior to heat up and the ice that has your window frozen shut should quickly melt away.

Archer: Remember that the ice has no brain. If you can outsmart it then you can conquer it. Ice is also slow. If it presents a threat, you can easily run away. Just be careful not to slip on any ice. If you’re really desperate and have nothing to use to heat your car up, just use your own body heat. Hug the car like you would your mother and in a few minutes the heat from your love hug will thaw the ice on the car.

Argyle: Nothing melts the ice on cars or the hearts of ladies better than the art of dance. Dancing produces a ton of heat and it’s fun. If you could somehow find a way to harness your dance energy and focus it into some kind of ice melting laser then everything should work out. Instead of causing anger and frustration, car ice would then become a way to get America dancing again.

Archer: Have we ever tried just talking to the ice? I mean, we always just end up jumping to the most irrational action we can and destroy it. We never even stop to ask, “Why do you have to be on my car, ice?” Maybe if we could form some kind of understanding with the ice, it will stop trying to stick to our stuff. If we could somehow get the ice to concentrate itself over certain lakes it would get to freeze water and we would get to ice skate, it’s a win win situation. There would no longer need to be ice on wind shields. Instead it would be purely isolated to lakes. Everyone needs a friend, so why shouldn’t we try to be friends with the ice?

Argyle: We could get Nickelback to play their music around the ice and then the ice wouldn’t want to be there anymore. That’s pretty much the best solution. The ice will hate the music so much, it will just melt itself off your car. If you’re like any other normal person and don’t just have Nickelback music lying around your house or on your phone, you can go with the second best solution and play almost any song by Miley Cyrus to the ice. No, I don’t mean any of that Hannah Montana stuff. You have to go all out and play the Miley Cyrus garbage at the ice. Right there is two sure-fire plans that should melt your ice in a heart beat.

Archer: You don’t want to be to cold, do you? When unfreezing your car, only unfreeze your door. At that point, you’ll be able to get in your car, turn the heat on, and just chill out in your warm car. You don’t need to get the ice off your windows or your windshield. After all, ice is a clear solid. You can see right through it. Just drive with it on your car, who cares?