Argyle and Archer’s Haphazard Advice

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We think we’re doing this right?

Argyle and Archer strive to help the individual student in attaining a perfect high school career by guiding them with our words of wisdom. Let us begin.

“How can you tell if your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on you?”

-Insecure on the Roller Coaster of Love

Argyle: This is a common issue. Whenever you feel insecure in a relationship, put off trying to solve that issue for as long as possible by taking it out on someone else. For instance; if your girlfriend doesn’t want to hangout with you, instead of asking her why, just say okay then go home and pour water all over your siblings homework. I promise you’ll feel better.

Archer: Well one obvious way to tell if they’re cheating is if you see them kissing another guy. But since this isn’t a movie, chances are, you won’t see that happening. A couple other ways are if they seem more distant, they want to hang out less and less, or they start getting really protective over their phone. These aren’t always signs that your significant other is cheating though, maybe they just have something emotionally wrong with them at that time or they could be mad at you.

Argyle: It can sometimes be hard to tell if your girlfriend is cheating because girls are very deceptive, and it’s almost impossible to understand anything they say. If she says I’m fine, or stop worrying, don’t. Instead, start worrying and continue begging her to tell you her about her feelings. Girls are very emotional beings so it always helps to cry. If that doesn’t work, try to paint her a picture.

Archer: If you honestly think they’re cheating then sometimes the only thing you can do is cheat back. Preferably with someone close to her like her best friend, sister, or mother. Then you can rub it in her face when you break up with her for cheating on you.

Argyle: If none of these suggestions are any good, then just tell her how you feel. If she still won’t open up to you then think about letting her go, but try to do it in the most harmful way you can.

“What’s the best way to make new friends in school?”

-First World Problems Joe

Archie: Join as many clubs as you can, be as friendly as possible to everyone, and try to get out and go to school events. The more that people see you, chances are, they’ll eventually want to talk to you. People also like talking to friendly people.

Argyle: Act really obnoxious in class so everyone will think you’re funny and want to talk to you. Never do any of your school work; people hate nerds. Only use words like yolo, swag, gucci, and hashtag. Shout squad whenever possible. Play a mainstream sport so you’re physically fit and in the lime light.

Archer: Fight anyone and everyone. Even if they’re eight feet tall and you’re only four feet tall, fight them. Make sure you win though, nobody wants to be seen talking to a loser.

Argyle: Be flirtatious; don’t be shy around the opposite gender. The only way to be received well by your peers is by free style rapping in your free time. If you wear glasses, get contacts or really thick frames so you look like a hipster. If your jeans don’t have holes in them; make some. Just don’t get weird with it.

“What do I do if I’m in a fight with my best friend?”

-Social Scrapper

Argyle: Get back at them through passive aggressive remarks made in a crowded social setting. Make a bunch of cupcakes and don’t let them have any. Give them to people you hate just to spite them. Never admit you’re wrong, you don’t want to be that guy.

Archer: You don’t need friends. If you work alone you’ll be like wolverine. Not wuss X-Men wolverine but much cooler pre X-Men wolverine.

If you would like for us to give you advice, please leave a comment below and maybe we’ll fix your life for you.