Does Anyone Care About Popsicle Creativity?

Brian Edwards and Micah Hardman betray humanity by eating lackluster popsicles.

Enzo Libertini

Brian Edwards and Micah Hardman betray humanity by eating lackluster popsicles.

Enzo Libertini, News and Entertainment Editor

Everyone loves popsicles and those who don’t are probably going through some stuff. Popsicles are one of the only foods that you can eat in the shower, and that alone makes them legendary. That however, is part of the problem. The popsicle market is good, in fact, it’s too good. Since people will always buy popsicles, the quality of those popsicles has faced a slight decrease in the recent years.

I remember back in the late nineties and early 2000s when popsicles shaped like SpongeBob and Spider-Man first entered my life. Those days were fantastic and those popsicles were delicious. Those character themed popsicles did more than just ignite my taste buds, they put what was originally the popsicle to shame. No longer was a popsicle an icy conglomerate with two sticks and some artificial flavoring. Now popsicles were art, and they were a tasty art at that. This was the beginning and the end of the first Popsicle Renaissance.

Ever since then the popsicle has been caught in a popsicle limbo. All you see today¬†are bomb pops and different versions of other popsicles that have come before. There’s nothing new, there’s nothing fresh, and it’s killing me inside. Why did quality and creativity leave the popsicle industry? More importantly, why don’t we care? We should be boycotting all popsicles until changes are made. We should be refusing to be served such a sub-par product.

I have developed a five step plan for how to save the popsicle industry and it goes like this:

Step 1: I’m sorry to say it, but no popsicles this summer. The only way to get them to pay attention is by targeting their wallets.

Step 2: We need new, younger blood in the design room. If you’re a creative and passionate individual on the threshold between college and high school, become a popsicle designer. Help pump some life back into the business.

Step 3: We bring the ice cream truck market back. I know they still are very prominent in some areas, but that’s not enough. They need to be everywhere, no excuses.

Step 4: Social media needs to become our weapon. We need to take to the inter-webs and just start tearing into these companies with our criticism. This is important because once they do decide to make a change it’s important that they have ideas about what changes to make.

Step 5: After it’s all said and done and we finally do fix the market, we have to show great appreciation and campaign for the government to institute a National Free Popsicle Day. This ensures the success of the popsicle for years to come.

If this five step plan is followed correctly, I’m positive we can make a difference. I know no one cares about the status of popsicle creativity, but you should. So I extend this invitation to you: Help me fix the world by mending the only thing that really matters, popsicles. Summer is coming, our time to start the fight is now.